This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
