i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
