i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
