u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Randomize
