His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Randomize
