Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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