So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
