Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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