the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
