.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
