just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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