I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
