We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
