someone get that fucking seahorse.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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