I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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