We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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