Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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