It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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