She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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