Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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