Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
