This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
