A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
