So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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