Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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