We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
