dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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