My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
