So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
