She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
