Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize