I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
