i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
