Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
