I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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