garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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