My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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