I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
