Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
