I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
