i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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