so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
