This girl is more easily done than said...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
