someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
