Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
