she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
