I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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