i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The beer is more important than you right now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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