I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
