I'm so fucking centered right now
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
