The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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