My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
