Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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