either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
