It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I did not marry a roomba.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
