update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
