Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
