True but thats because hes a fetus.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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