After last night, I could never be a politician.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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