And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
