Just fell off a train. Bad.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
