I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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