Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
