Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
