Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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