Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
