He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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