So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just had sex bonerless
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
