Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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