I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it because I queefed?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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