hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
