I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
