Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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