tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
3pm strippers are depressing
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
