Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
