It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
