I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
