I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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