Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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