party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
