well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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