You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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