Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
