Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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